Final Impressions

Things I’ll never understand

Written by James Combs

Some things leave me shrugging my shoulders in disbelief.

Story: James Combs Illustrations: Josh Clark

There are some things in life that simply do not make sense and leave me shrugging my shoulders.

Here’s a quick list:

Motorists who drive 15 mph or more UNDER the speed limit.

I understand that we all want to be cautious while driving. That said, if you’re driving 35 mph in a 55 mph zone, you are impeding traffic flow. And why on God’s green earth do you insist on STAYING in the fast lane?

Women who claim they don’t understand men.

We’re actually very simple. Just remember the basics: recliner, beer, and sports.

Abstract art

I really cannot see the messages, emotions, or symbols being represented. To me, it looks like someone splashed several colors of paint onto a canvas.

Taking a baby to a concert

First, there’s nothing more annoying than the sound of your favorite musician being drowned out by incessant whining. Second, I doubt the singer will want to autograph your child’s poop-filled diaper. Third, breastfeeding your baby in a mosh pit probably isn’t a great idea. Fourth, when other children receive bikes for their fifth birthday, yours will be getting hearing aids.

People who don’t flush toilets in public restrooms.

It’s absolutely sickening to walk into a public restroom and see someone has left you a little “present.” How hard is it to push the little lever? If it’s brown, please flush it down.

Vegetarianism

Sorry, but for me, no meal is complete without some form of dead animal on my plate. Is being a vegetarian a mistake or a missed steak?

Dreams

There’s no limit to what my mind can conceive while I’m asleep. I’ve been late to important appointments, ran in slow motion while being chased by scary people and monsters, and stood in public places completely naked. Sleep isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

Pastors who handle rattlesnakes during church
services Some people call it a test of faith. I call it a hiss of death.

About the author

James Combs

Akers Media Group's James Combs has been a staff writer for several local publications since August 2000. He has had the privilege of interviewing some of Lake County’s many fascinating residents—from innovative business owners to heroic war veterans—and bringing their stories to life. A resident of Lake County since 1986, James recently embarked on a journey to lead a healthier lifestyle. He has lost 60 pounds and walks nearly five miles a day. In his spare time, he enjoys target shooting, skeet shooting and watching his beloved Kentucky Wildcats!

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