Some people make the internet a volatile place.
They’ve likely never served in the military, fired a gun, or even been in a fistfight.
Yet, they’re asking—in some cases, begging—for a second civil war; a war that is, in their minds, the only reasonable course of action to resolve the political divide driving a stake through the heart of America.
You can guarantee they won’t be on the front lines. Hell, they won’t even be on the streets.
That’s because they wage their battles from behind their computer or phone screens.
Yes, we’re talking about the gutless keyboard warriors who comprise both sides of the political aisle. You know, the type who, if a real civil war did break out, would never leave the security of momma’s basement.
In other words, we won’t have to worry about Paul Revere riding into town and shouting, “The keyboard warriors are coming! The keyboard warriors are coming!”
Keyboard warriors are truly a sad lot. Yet, the introduction of the internet has bred an entire generation of them. Protected by the anonymity of the internet (they often conceal their true identity), they feel emboldened to attack others who likely live hundreds or thousands of miles away.
If the Marines are the few, the proud, keyboard warriors are the few, the loud. They enthusiastically add childish, snide, and vile remarks in the comments section of news stories, political stories, and even sports stories. They feel the need to belittle someone because, god forbid, that person has a differing opinion.
Who knows why they do this? Maybe sparking heated debate attracts significant attention to themselves, giving them a false and inflated sense of self-worth. Or maybe they don’t fear online confrontation like they do the face-to-face variety.
Fortunately, we have several ways to avoid their irritating ramblings. There’s the power button, of course. We can block that person or simply shut down our social media accounts. And we can avoid reading any Facebook thread that generates 100 or more comments. That’s almost always a telltale sign of an online fight.
Most importantly, skip the political comments. This way, we can avoid their pathetic calls for civil war and their warped fantasies about morphing into Rambo and single-handedly wiping out an entire army. Seriously, are you really prepared to aim a gun at a fellow American and pull the trigger because he/she disagrees with you on gun control, border walls, abortion, or immigration laws?
If you answered “yes,” then you seriously need to reconsider your perspective on life.
Better yet, take your war-mongering attitude to the military. I’d love to see a drill instructor chastise you.
“Recruit Smith, you better start shaping up and squaring yourself away. Your online behavior is completely unacceptable. Get on your face and give me 25 pushups!”
Recruit Smith, barely able to complete three, collapses to the ground. He’s visibly upset.
The drill instructor raises his arms in victory and shouts in a triumphant voice:
“I love the smell of keyboard warrior fear in the morning.”