Annoying status updates are reason enough to kick Facebook to the curb. Story: James Combs In January 2017, I wrote a column about Facebook and vowed to delete my account due to wacky things people post. I never kept that promise, unfortunately, because people are posting even crazier things these days. Here’s a sampling of my News Feed:
7:40am: Billy provided the first of 16 status updates that give us play-by-play details of his mundane day. “Just got out of the shower,” he wrote.
9:11am: Mary posted seven pictures of her grandchildren. They sure haven’t grown much since the 11 pictures posted yesterday.
9:32am: Ted posted a motivational quote: “You can be the ripest, juiciest apple in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates apples.” Translation: Ted didn’t score at the bar last night.
10:59am: Elizabeth went on a political rant: “Donald Trump is an obnoxious, disgusting pig.” Yep, political Facebook posts change a lot of people’s minds. Said nobody, ever.
12:02pm: Carrie posted a memory to remind Facebook friends her son graduated high school exactly five years ago today. I didn’t care then. Why would I now?
1:42pm: Timothy shared a chain message: “This is a cat named Bob. Bob was abused and has lost sight in both eyes. This is a test to see how many likes and shares Bob can generate. If you refuse, you must hate animals.” Uh, I like Bob just fine. Your emotional blackmail aggravates me.
3:45pm: Savannah posted a selfie of her feet while sunbathing at Daytona Beach. Next time, leave your camera phone at the hotel.
5:09pm: Jim posted a fake news story. The headline read, “Spider found in tampon results in medical emergency.” One friend comically commented, “Maybe the spider needed a new website.”
7pm: Rebecca declared her love by writing, “I have the best hubby in the world,” followed by predictable hashtags: #luckywoman, #lovemyman, #theloveofmylife, #arentwecute? That’s much more romantic than telling him in the privacy of your bedroom.
8:30pm: Julie posed a question: “My baby is cutting teeth and is miserable. What can I do to make her feel better?” Here’s a wild idea: Take your baby to a pediatrician. Don’t seek medical advice on Facebook.
This time, I’m really finished with Facebook. I’m logging off for good. But before I do, I have to enrich my friends with one final, thought-provoking status update. “Just fed the dog.”